Love yourself and you will be loved too

Sometimes the world around me never ceases to surprise me but not always in a good way. I was browsing on TSR, the student forum and came across a post by a 17 year old girl who was upset that she wasn’t appealing enough to boys and was asking for advice on how to look sexy. I read this and was so upset to think - is this what our world is coming to? - That there are young girls out there who are so unconfident with the way that they look that they want to change that and be someone that they are not. I know this isn’t a new thought and we see that every day. Everywhere you go you come across girls in the same position who have the same insecurities and it is not surprising. Given the increased sexualisation of our society, it is inevitable that people feel the pressure to behave and dress in a certain way or else they be deemed boring or uncool.

I was that 17 year old girl with those insecurities, wondering why I was so invisible to guys and not cool enough or popular enough. It took me a long time to be happy with who I am and to focus on my strengths and see my weaknesses as something that should be celebrated and appreciated as part of what makes me who I am. The 17 year old me was young, naïve and lost amongst the loud, pretty, sociable girls who were put partying and getting drunk all the time. Going to an all-girls school, I was continually surrounded by girls and there were so many who were a lot more confident and attractive and appeared to have it all. On the outside they appeared to be the epitome of cool whilst I was the nerdy, opinionated bookworm who was the one everyone came to when they needed help with their school work. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being smart and had my group of smart friends who were all focussed hard working driven people who knew exactly what they wanted out of life and where they wanted to go. People knew who I was, I was never invisible but people didn’t see me as more than just a respectable nice nerd at school. It took me a year out of school and getting out in the real world, working 3 jobs and doing lots of volunteering that I realised that life is what you make of it. And confidence doesn’t come from the way you dress or how much make up you have on or how many guys you pull in a night club but from within and that took me a long time to appreciate. I realised that being smart wasn’t a drawback but the one thing that will get me where I want to go in life. I have so many dreams and I want to change the around me person by person through the power of medicine and good will.

4 years later, I’m not at school anymore. I hated school. I was good at it and knew it was just one stepping stone to get to where I want to be so I stuck it out. So whenever I see an ordinary 17 year old girl wearing jeans and a hoody and glasses and holding a stack of books I think you go girl! Just be proud that you are smart and one day all those years of hard work will make it all worthwhile and when you see someone at school that appears to have everything you don’t have, remember you have things that she doesn’t have too. Envy never gets you anywhere, be proud of who you are and appreciate others for what they have and learn from them. Don’t see them as a threat or feel that you are inferior. Everyone has something that they are good at, something that makes them special. For some that something special is more obvious, for others it is deep inside and it takes a truly special person to peel back the layers and see and appreciate that.  

Doing something productive this summer

I have decided that I need to do something productive this summer. I work really hard during term time, I am always busy and on the go so I decided against getting a job this summer. The effort of finding a job and the early mornings and long days put me off. I had to wake up early 5 days a week last term for lectures and wanted a break from that this summer and just enjoy doing absolutely nothing. I guess you probably think I’m lazy and that’s fine. I probably am atm but at uni I’m not. At uni I’m always doing something, if I’m not in lectures or classes, I am doing private study or out with friends. I am always on the go! Home is the only time I get to just chill and have me time. I like that because I don’t often get time to myself at uni. At uni, when I am stressed, I put on a face mask and lie down and listen to music or put on a film and eat cake. That is the best thing ever when your mind is stressed!!! Sometimes I do that with my friends. We make dinner, put on a DVD and a face mask and drink wine and have a right old gossip. These are some of my favourite memories from first year. Not the crazy nights out or fresher’s week, yeah they were great but more so the nights when we just hung out and chilled and had girly nights.

So back to what I was saying, I need to do something productive this summer. I wanted to learn some new baking recipes. I did try vanilla cupcakes and a coffee cake this summer. The vanilla cupcakes were dreadful because they just rose too much and went over the sides of the cups and the cake itself stuck to the paper. It was a disaster and I was so disappointed. So I decided to leave cupcakes for the moment. But it was the first time that I’d done cupcakes from scratch. Me and my brother used to get the packet mix from Sainsbury’s and I loved making those! Those always turned out well but that’s the cheat’s way to bake. I want to learn to bake from scratch. I want to be good at it. This has always been a goal of mine. My mum never baked with me and that was something I always wanted to do with my kids, if I ever get lucky and have my own children. I always thought it would be a great thing to do - to bake with them and to bake for my family. I do a pretty good coffee cake and I’ve pretty much mastered rock cakes.

My rock cakes - these usually turn out pretty well!!!

But that’s about it. Everything else – brownies, chocolate fudge cake, Victoria sandwich, macaroons I’ve attempted once. I guess I need more practise before I can make them with my eyes closed! It’s just disheartening when they turn out badly.

My other goal was to read more. I am reading The Help atm. It’s really good and very different to the previous book I was reading – Fifty Shades of Grey haha. The Help follows the story of 3 women –who live in Jackson, Mississipi in 1962, during a time when blacks and whites were treated differently and had different ‘places’ in society. The book is written from the perspectives of Minny and Aibileen who work as maids for White women as well as from the side of Skeeter who is a White woman. So it shows life from both sides. Black History has always fascinated me. I learnt about slavery in History at school as well as about the differences in the treatment of Blacks and Whites in English when we read the novel To Kill a Mockingbird. Although set in different times and one a work of fiction, it was interesting to learn about the changes in the experiences and lives of Black people throughout history and time. To live in a time where there is a Black President in the United States, shows how far things have come and how far attitudes and opinions have changed since those horrific times when Black people were kidnapped from their homes in Western Africa and forced into Slavery. I am fascinated by this aspect of history because it is about real people and their experiences.

It’s a really good book and has had me hooked that I can’t put it down!