14th February.

Year after year, Valentine’s Day comes and goes. Every year, I would watch as friends got cards, boxes of chocolate or flowers from boyfriends. As a girl, naturally I would go ooh and aah and secretly hope that one day that that would be me. I was never bitterly jealous just sad that it was never me. This year I have to listen to my flatmate making plans about which restaurant her and her boyfriend should eat at or what should she get him. I went into hallmark with her to get a card and all you see is red when you walk in. do birthdays, anniversaries or even bar mitzvahs seize to exist at this time of year. It’s nice to see her so happy but the more I listen to it the more depressed it makes me. I know this sounds pathetic but that’s how I feel.

For the first time, I admitted this to someone other than myself. I told my friend who is also single and we made a pact together. We made a pact that by this time next year me and her will have boyfriends. This reminds me vaguely of the teenage film ‘Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging’ but I’d like to believe that my teenage years are well and truly in the past. Okay, they weren’t that far away. I am only 20. But I have tried listening to the advice from others who say “it will happen when you least expect it” or “don’t worry, you’re still young, enjoy life”. I have tried listening to that and it does no use. I still feel that I will never meet anyone and that I will be alone forever. At least if I actively try and do something about it, it may make me feel better.

Thus I made the pact with my friend. But I have no idea how I will go about trying to make it happen. I am okay in clubs tbh. After a few drinks down me I feel more confident but I am never that way during the day. I have no other ideas of how to meet more people but I have made the first step. I have made a pact. I have a goal. Now I need to find to find a way to achieve the goal. That’s the hard bit.