Olympic Torch passing my home town

The weather this summer has been all over the place. We’ve had so much cloud and rain over the past month and then suddenly this outburst of sun. It’s like a heat wave at the moment. It is a nice pleasant change. After hearing about the jet stream every bloody day on the weather it’s nice to have some sun.

Today is such a beautiful day. I woke up and looked outside my window and it just made me smile. The sky is a clear brilliant blue without a single cloud and everything just looks so much more beautiful. The colour of the sky on a summer’s day is my favourite colour. Everything just looks so green too!!! My garden is full of bushes and plants and trees of every kind of green imaginable. Everything is fluttering in the light breeze and illuminated by the brightness. I am a classic weather affects the mood person haha! I just feel so happy and want to go outside and sunbathe but being dark skinned that’s not the best idea. I just burn and roast like chicken on a barbeque.

Yesterday I went to see the Olympic torch with my mum and brother as it came past my home town. I had seen it when I was at university and saw it again yesterday. It was a beautiful day and people were outside lining the streets, happy and cheerful ready with their cameras and waving flags. It was such a great atmosphere. People were all dressed for the hot weather in shorts and dresses and shades. Children were running round with ice creams. It was nice! I had never seen anything like it in my home town and it was nice to be part of it.

The crowds lining the street waiting for the torch to come.

The torch bearer just passing the spot where I was.

Fifty Shades of Grey

I have always loved reading books but since going to university, I haven’t had the time to sit down and read as much as I used to. It’s hard to find the time to just get away from the hustle and bustle of the world and just sit and read. I like that. I like to just sit by myself with a good book and escape the stresses of life. I have just finished reading the infamous Fifty Shades of Grey and have just started reading The Help. Both are very different in genres.

For those of you who have never heard of Fifty Shades of Grey it is the book of 2012. The hype created around this book is such that it reminds me of the hype that surrounded the likes of The Da Vinci Code or one of the Harry Potter books. I ordered a copy of the book after reading an article about it in the Daily Mail online. I had heard that it was written by a British author and was a US best seller and was quickly becoming a success here in the UK as well. I had heard that it was controversial in the fact that it was an erotic book and due to its explicit sexual content it had been banned in libraries in some US states. This intrigued me and although the book wasn’t really aimed at my age group but however was labelled as ‘mummy porn’ it was aimed at older women, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. So I went onto Amazon where it was already a bestseller and ordered a copy of the book. I was excited, eager to read it and because it was still quite a secret guilty pleasure that wasn’t as well-known as it is now, I wanted to be part of this secret club that women who read this book were part of. Women were reading it and discussing it at work, with their family and friends. A couple of months later it seemed as if every woman was reading it or knew someone who was reading it and the hype was such that you couldn’t get away from it. I would see it in every bookstore, posters outside W H Smith, women reading it on public transport. Even my boyfriend started reading it. We’d read it and discuss certain things that we liked and disliked. It was nice. It was something that we were both reading that we could share together. Even though he was hundreds of miles away we were both reading the same things and as he was ahead of me I would read the pages knowing that he had read them too. It was great. It was our thing between me and him.  

The book follows the story of Anastasia Steele a young woman in her early twenties who has just graduated from university and Christian Grey a multi billionaire business tycoon. The two although from different worlds and walks of life embark on a passionate sexual affair that pushes each to their limits sexually and emotionally. Anastasia is a girl of very little sexual or relationship experience while Christian has had experience beyond those of any normal man. The two explore an unconventional sexual relationship that becomes entangled with strong fiery emotions of lust, hurt and love.

With the exception of reading a few erotic texts in the past, this novel was the first erotic novel that I had ever read and so I didn’t really know what to expect. Although badly written and devoid of much intimacy and passion the story fails to capture the depth of the characters to their full extents. Both characters show promise and depth but the author fails to fully develop them, instead focussing on the sexual elements and details. The plot is intriguing enough and the ending left me wanting to read the next in the trilogy to find out what happens next. Erotic literature is very different to pornography in that how the reader feels is purely due to the success of the author in portraying the sexual emotion, passion and feeling through words. And in this case the author in my opinion has come up short. The much anticipated chapter 10 didn’t disappoint but it didn’t shock either. There was nothing that completely shocked me but it left me eager and excited to discover more about my sexual feelings. Throughout the beginning the author was successful in building up sexual tension but could’ve written and played out the sexual scenes with more passion and foreplay. Having said that, it was a great read and a guilty pleasure and the book has captured my interest in this rather hush-hush genre. If you are looking for literary genius, this isn’t it but if you’re looking for something light, slightly naughty and fun, this is great.

The book has done exceptionally well in terms of commercial sales. It has quickly gained popularity around the world and has sold 31 million copies to date. I guess this book has given women something to get excited about. With the release of the male stripper movie ‘Magic Mike’ this summer who knows what sexual guilty pleasures are to come.

Boyfriend

I have met someone. I know! Even I can’t believe it especially since the Valentine's Day pact that I made with my best friend just a few months ago. I met him 2 nights before I went back home after the end of second semester at university. I was on a night out in town, celebrating the end of exams and so was he. I met him in one of my favourite clubs in town. I was dancing near him and turned round and saw him and thought he was really cute. I managed to catch his eye and we smiled at each other and then we danced with each other. He asked me my name and how old I was and I asked him the same. He then stepped me down from the podium we were dancing on to get some space and he told me I looked really pretty. I found him really cute. He was shy and there was something about him that made me smile. He wasn’t seedy or slimy but really sweet and nice. He had a cute smile that made me smile. We danced some more and then he kissed me. I then had to go because my friends wanted to go home and he asked me for my number. I gave it to him. That was the first time I had given a guy my number in a club. I didn’t think he’d text back but to my surprise he texted later that same night. We texted each other until we fell asleep and texted again all of the next day. It was nice. My heart would beat faster every time I got a text from him. I was out shopping with my friends and would check my phone every moment I got. I haven’t told him this, but that still happens every time I get a text from him. I smile and blush and have the same bubbling excitement every time. That’s the effect he has on me 5 weeks later.

We arranged to meet the next evening at dusk and had a romantic walk by the river and he came back to mine. Nothing happened!!! Before you get any ideas haha. We talked and kissed and we sat on my bed in my room. He looked at all the photos and posters and bits and bobs I had round my room with a cute curiosity that made me smile. I was going home the next day and was up all night with my best friend packing but the whole time I was thinking about him. He was so nice and so HOT!!! He was also shy in a way that I find so endearing. I wanted to see him again and I met him that morning before I was set to home. We watched a film together cuddled up on my bed and then fumbled around a bit on my bed. Hehe. That’s all the details you’re getting!!! I like to keep the rest to myself and just between us.

5 weeks later, I am 400 miles in my home town. We text and call and speak to each other every day. It’s hard but I am counting the days till I go back to uni and see him. He is amazing! Every day he makes me smile. I go to bed thinking about him and wake up thinking about him and I smile. That’s the effect he has on me. He is so special and has such a good heart. Every day when I am skyping him I get to hear his sexy voice that still gets me every time and every day I learn something new about him that I didn’t know before and I love that. I love the effect he has on me.  

An update

It’s been almost two months since my last post and a lot has happened in that time. A lot of my previous posts were me stressing over my exams. I sat my exams at the end of May and got my results last month. I passed all my exams!!! I had 4 exams - 2 written papers and 2 practical exams. I was convinced 2 of my exams had gone badly and was so sure that I’d have to redo them. I ended up passing all. I still remember the moment I got my results. My heart was pounding and my fingers trembling as I clicked on the page. Then being overwhelmed by a wave of relief and then joy. I burst into tears and just sobbed uncontrollably. We found out 2 weeks after we sat the exams so after the exams I was in limbo. Not knowing whether I’d passed and not being able to relax and enjoy the beginning of the holidays because I was so worried that I’d done badly.

But by a miracle of God, I passed and now look forward to the end of August when I go back to university to start 2^nd year. 2^nd year sounds a lot more exciting than first year. We get to do another community placement like last year but we also spend 2/3 days a week in hospital shadowing consultants. I am so excited about that. Since starting medical school, I’ve not had much clinical exposure. I spent a day with a GP sitting in on her clinics then the afternoon with another GP on home visits. And we also got to visit a family with a young child in their home environment. We got to ask them questions about their social situation, health care experiences and about their child’s developmental milestones. A lot of people in my year found it a waste of time but I found it exciting. We got to go out into the community and we met real people of different social backgrounds. I found it a real eye opener to see into someone’s life and to understand the difficulties that they face. It helped me understand the area that I am studying and learning in much better. I think that’s very important in medicine as to provide a holistic approach to patient care we need to be able to understand the person as a whole not just their physical ailments.

Infatuation

The first time I saw him was back in first semester when me and my friend were walking to lectures one morning. A bright bundle of orange hair came and tapped my friend on the shoulder. She said hi and they exchanged a few pleasantries and I was introduced to him. He is one of those who stands out in a crowd and leaves an impression on anyone that sees him. I smiled politely while trying to take in the sight before my eyes. Pale in complexion, he was tall, but not so tall as to be intimidating to my 5 foot 2 inches. He was thin but not starved looking and had the brightest most beautiful ginger hair, I had ever seen. Bright was the early morning sun but despite that, his hair shone like a new star, catching the light and making everything else around it appear dull and insignificant. I was awed by him, he caught my attention and I was intrigued to learn more about him. Though he paid little attention to me and was talking to my friend.

He had interesting fashion. He was what my parents would call a hippy. With wild hair and baggy clothing, he was distinctive in every definition of the word. Sometimes he would plait a few strands of his hair and wear bracelets and bangles. some girls told me he once had his nails painted. He didn’t conform to the chinos and hoody that is the trademark for most guys my age at university. He was unique and he was happy like that. I got to speak to him a couple of times. We had a couple of classes together and once he sat with me and I was like a teenage girl who had just met her idol. I was shy but polite. I listened intently to every word that he was saying drinking in each word like they were liquid gold. He spoke with a mild Manchester accent. Sometimes he would get close to me. A couple of times, when we were looking at the same specimen in anatomy, he would lean towards me and his hair would brush against my face. Each time, I would catch my breath and could feel my heart hammering against my chest. I would feel my cheeks inflame terrified that it would give me away. I was mesmerised by him. 

Not only was he quirky on the outside but his personality matched his appearance. He had a really strange sense of humour and could make me laugh with every word. He is so unpredictable and the fact that I couldn’t figure him out just made him even more interesting in my eyes. The way he walked with laid back confidence. If I saw him in the library, every now and then I would lift my gaze to catch a glimpse of him across the room, eyes focussed on the book he was reading, his forehead screwed in concentration, one hand in his beautiful hair.

“O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!”

William Shakespeare

I was never one to quote from romance literature. But this quote perfectly summed up that moment for me. This quote is from Romeo and Juliet by the way. That was one of the quotes from that play that I remember well from all those years ago when we studied it in English. I remember thinking that’s a bit dramatic but that was the first thing that popped into my mind when I saw him that time in the library. I would probably substitute cheek with hair though.

Babies

I am into the second week of my holidays now. I have been getting on with my revision but I find it difficult to stay focussed for too long especially towards the end of last week. I find my mind drifting off thinking about other things. Revision is also the time I get to catch up with TV that I have missed and watch some movies. When I take a break in between study time I like to do something completely different to take my mind off revision as otherwise that’s what my mind is thinking about all the time and I start to worry that I haven’t done enough or that I still have loads to do. Since Christmas I have had three modules. The first one was on the first and second trimesters of pregnancy including embryology and fetal development. The second module was on the third trimester of pregnancy and birth. The third module was on early child development and growth. That includes developmental milestones reached by children. This is quite a huge range of topics and as I have not done anything to do with pregnancy or child development until starting university, this was all fairly new to me. I find it fascinating especially the embryology parts. At first glance it seems impossible to make sense of. It’s hard to believe and comprehend the complexity and specificity of development that does on in pregnancy. And the fact that it is all so well co ordinated and organised. For me it seems an absolute miracle especially when most of the time when babies are born everything seems to be working okay. Sometimes things do go wrong and that’s where the obstetrician and paediatrician come in. But to me birth seems to be an absolute miracle. It is at times like this when I study the complexity and intricacy of the human body and reflect that life is so miraculous that I remember why I chose to study medicine.

Babies have always fascinated me. From the embryology to the complex stages of social and psychological development of children, so much goes into the making of a human body. Some people say that all people are born equal and that we all have equal opportunities and can be anything we want to be. Maybe this is true. When a child is born maybe for that few seconds when they come into the world and take their first breath and their cry pierces the air bringing joy and happiness to their parents. Maybe it seems as if anything can happen. But once the baby is handed to his/her parents everything changes. This is where environmental factors play a part in child development. That is what we have been studying. They want us to understand the complex set of factors that can make a person and determine the choices that they make. I guess trying to understand and appreciate this can help us understand the person as a whole and therefore we can treat them holistically and not judge them for the choices they make.

In medicine, it’s not about just passing exams. Sometimes, that’s what we think about. Passing one year and hoping to move on to the next but at the end of university we have to go out into the world and use everything that we have learnt over the course of life to treat people and make a difference. That sounds daunting right? I guess right now I will focus on trying to pass first year.

Exams

Morning all,

It’s been a while since my last post. I have finished the second term at university and am now back home for the Easter holidays. I have three weeks off and am spending all of the 3 weeks at home. I have no plans to catch up with friends or anything and as my first year summative exams are in May I am using these holidays to revise as much as I can for my exams.

My biggest fear at the moment is that I will not pass first year. We do have resit exams if we fail but I really want to pass first time round.  We had formative exams in January. These were mock exams to help us familiarise ourselves with the exam format and get used to what OSCEs are like. We have two OSCE exams and two written papers and we have to pass all four exams to pass first year.  It’s a hurdle. For my formatives I passed two and failed two which at the time didn’t worry me as they were only mock exams but now that I know I failed them it means that I have loads to work on for the summative exams.  I worked a lot for the formatives but still that wasn’t enough to pass. I passed two exams and failed two so failed overall. I need to work much harder to pass. I heard that last year 20% of the year failed their summative exams and had to re sit in the summer. That’s scary. 20% is a huge proportion of the year. And if you fail second time round, then you get chucked out. I have worked so hard to get here and that would be just devastating.

I have heard that people started their revision last month and were staying up till 11pm in the library revising. That’s usually me but this year I have been much more relaxed and now the fear is eating away at me. Instead I have been watching TV in the evenings on my laptop or a movie and having an early night. But every time I think of exams it makes me feel nervous and my heart rate goes up. Since the holidays started, I have been going to bed at a decent hour and have been waking up at 8am to revise so I can get as much done as I can throughout the day. I haven’t watched a single movie on my beloved sky movies since I got back. I will take an afternoon off at the end of the week to chill and maybe have a lie in. When I go back to university I will have five weeks till exams start so I better start setting my alarm for 6am every morning so I can get a good chunk of work done before by 9am lectures. There are enough hours in the day but it’s how you use the hours.

I know my panic stricken post may make me sound over dramatic but the thought of not passing first year just scares me. It would seem as if all my hard work up till now was a waste. I want to be a doctor so much that I am willing to put the time and effort in, I just hope it’s enough and that it is within my reach and not beyond my capabilities.