I am back at uni now. The weather here is so miserable. The sky is covered with dark menacing clouds and it just feels really grim and depressing. I am one of the classic weather-affects-my-mood people. So far today has been an altogether awful day. I had two mock exams which went terribly. I revised as much as I could but it just wasn't enough. The exam was full of random difficult questions and I wasn't happy with it at all. I am glad it's just a mock so now I know how much work I need to put in for the real thing.
When me and my friend were going in for the exam, everyone in our year was there and there were so many cheerful catch ups and 'how was your christmas?' conversations. I was standing there awkwardly as my friend was catching up with her other friends feeling miserable thinking that here is another reminder of how I haven't made enough friends at uni. I tried to block it out and think about other things so that I wouldn't burst into tears there and then. I thought of the time when I stood in the centre of Times Square on a sunny afternoon looking up and around at all the moving images. I thought of the George Washington Bridge on a beautiful clear sunny day....Not only were the exams ridiculously hard but I was reminded of my lack of friends. As I walked back to my flat I tried to blink away tears of disappointment and let down.
So there you have it....so far today has not been a good day. I think I will watch Mamma Mia in a bit. This is my happy film. I feel like watching Meryl Streep singing and dancing in the beautiful sunshine happy and content with life. Maybe one day I can be that happy and content with my life.
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